Film » This Or Prozac

No Logic Or Self-Worth Attached

Back Up And Tell It Right, Film, No Strings Attached No Responses »

Feb 072012

The Setup

I made the terrible mistake of Netflixing NO STRINGS ATTACHED (the Natalie Portman/Ashton Kutcher eff buddies movie (wasn’t there another one too?)) the other day, and, in addition to having my soul crushed for two hours, I also got to witness an almost pathological amount of self-degradation, the kind that oftens crops up in real (equally soul crushing) relationships.

What Emma Says

Natalie’s character, Emma (who rooms with a band of three inexplicably wacky surgical interns), keeps randomly running into Ashton’s character, Adam, and decides they should have sex while, for reasons unstated, avoiding any emotional attachment.

Back Up And Tell It Right

I’m not sure what’s weirder: the conceit that you can somehow avoid emotional attachment to other people or the notion that you’d want to. First off, if you’re doing anything regularly with another person, you’re in a relationship, no matter what lie you’re telling yourself. Second, if the goal of your relationship is to not have one, then you’re likely best off alone until you work through your issues. And FYI, Emma, sex isn’t something you can separate from feelings because that connection isn’t under your conscious control; in other words, you’re either having sex with someone and not feeling anything for them or you’re having sex with someone and developing feelings but in either case it’s not something you can decide upfront. Having a predetermined goal of numbing out or repressing your emotions in case they accidentally crop up is not a great way to enter into any kind of connection. Instead, check in with yourself to see if you’re emotionally ready for a relationship, then go connect in whatever form you like and be open to seeing what happens. Because otherwise the primary emotional attachment you’re avoiding is the one with yourself.

Though I’ve got to admit, despite it obviously being for nudity rider reasons, watching someone roll around having sweaty, intense, breathless, unattached sex while ALWAYS wearing either a T-shirt or tank top becomes, after two hours, kind of intriguingly kinky…

Matt Damon Better Save That Hat For When He’s Running Out The Back Door

Back Up And Tell It Right, Film, The Adjustment Bureau 4 Responses »

Jul 142011

In the Bible-fi escapade THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU, the biggest crime was not the one perpertrated by the filmmakers against story logic but, rather, the one enacted against romance itself.

The Setup

Elise, played by Emily Blunt, is a contempo wackerina whose idea of a fun midweek night out involves some casual wedding crashing, a quick stop to a nearby men’s room, and a bit of light boundary-crossing before fleeing the building while being chased by security. David, played by Matt Damon, feels an instant connection with her, runs into her randomly (or, rather, mistakenly since it turns out that a fate-controlling angel(?) fell asleep on the job), and, based on that feeling, spends the rest of the movie fighting fate itself to be with her.

What David Says

David battles the forces of destiny because he just KNOWS he’s meant to be with Elise. The fact that he doesn’t actually know her as a human being is irrelevant – the feeling is what matters.

Back Up And Tell It Right

While I am, of course, aware that this movie is a romantic fantasy, it’s a nice example of a real-world romantic fantasy that can get in the way of actual romance: the romantic fantasy of just knowing, with absolute certainty, that the person you’re with is “the one” – and, because you already “know” this, you don’t really have to do any work to get the whole thing started since it’s destined to happen and just be awesome.

The problem is that people end up equating the lack of KNOWING with the lack of romantic potential. Remember, the entire issue in the early stages of dating is that you DON’T know – you don’t know if they’re into you or if you’re even that into them or what they’re really like or if you can trust them or if they’re going to hurt you or if your time investment is going to pay off or a host of other uncertainties. So here’s the deal: the absence of romantic fantasy – your heart not going pit-a-pat, you being unsure and only partly into it, getting bored sometimes, etc. – isn’t a reason to stop. Invest in the reality of two strangers working to get to know each other rather than searching for signs that a higher power jotted something down in a book.

I’m not saying it won’t work out for David and Elise, but, really, hang onto that hat…